Liz's Performance

I was one of five winners of the Sarah Lawrence College Concerto Competition. It took place on March 5, 2000. I thought that talking about my experience might help other musicians for future performances. I was very nervous. It was just me up there on the stage. Of course in reality, the orchestra and the conductor were there too but I felt very much alone. I had never performed a whole concerto with an orchestra before. I was nervous but I was also prepared. I had been working on the Copland Clarinet concerto for about a year with my teacher. It is a difficult piece not only for the solo clarinet but also for the orchestra. I didn't have to memorize it. My conductor gave me the choice but didn't push in a certain direction. I had to stifle an urge to over-practice. I wanted to be so solid and confident with my part that nothing would have thrown me off. If the orchestra had messed up or if I had a small breakdown I wanted to be sure that I could get back on.

I practiced my parts in different sections. I thought about how I wanted certain sections to sound; how fast or slow the section should be. Then I listened to several different recordings with orchestra. I listened when I wasn't thinking about the music, I listened when I had my part in front of me and followed along. I wrote the orchestra part into the places in my part where I didn't play. I practiced with my conductor playing the orchestra part on the piano with me. When I was on the train I would sing my part in my head with the music. I would whistle it when walking somewhere. It was always with me.

One of my friends told me to go through in my mind what would happen before the performance. She said to picture myself backstage, putting together my clarinet, warming up. Then imagine walking on stage and bowing. Think about breathing and what everything will look like. Think about playing and the ending, shaking the conductor's hand, smiling and walking off stage. She said to do this before you went to sleep each night so that when the real time came it would all be kind of familiar. It will feel more natural and normal to be doing all those things because in a way, you have practiced.

Before the performance, I went through a check list of things to do and not do. I would not think of individual notes or difficult passages. That is when you mess up in performance, when you think about a specific note or passage, and let yourself forget the whole larger picture. I told myself that I would not think of individual notes or difficult passages - I would play the best I could and I would trust my motor memory in my fingers. I really had to let myself relax, trust myself - believe in all the training that I had had and know that I wouldn't forget how to play clarinet, believe that I wouldn't get scared and mess up difficult passages or forget how to finger a note.

The performance did go well. Beforehand, I was downstairs so I didn't hear the person playing before me and with my eyes closed - I concentrated on regular breathing. People said that I looked nervous when I first got out there but as soon as I started playing, I relaxed and was in my own world. I let my fingers play what they had learned and practiced, I forgot the audience and listened to myself. I played three rehearsals with the orchestra before the performance. These were crucial because they showed my how it would feel and also reminded me that I had to let myself relax and not focus in on specific parts. So hopefully, these are just some hints to help a fellow musician before a big solo performance.