Being a short list of occasions wherein my grandparents (Nana and Pierce) betray the waning abilities of their memories, and the effect of these moments on their relationships with each other and other family members.

#1: Nana sends Pierce into the ice cream store to get them an ice cream cone "to share, half and half", and a pint for the house. I go in as well to get a milkshake. First, Pierce forgets the pint; I remind him. He then begins eating the ice cream cone as soon as he has paid. As my milkshake is made, he eats more than half of it. When we get back in the car, Nana says "I have to eat a completely licked over ice cream?" Pierce does not hear, and continues eating. Nana says in a low tone "He forgot I wanted some, didn’t he." She stares ahead for about fifteen seconds, then drives off in silence as Pierce finishes the cone.

#2: Pierce walks into kitchen as my grandmother and I are making dinner. He stands around as if he did not know where he was. My grandmother, needing to get by him, yells "Get out of the way!" Pierce shifts to the other side of the kitchen, where Nana finds him in the way again. This time, her voice is like a cannon: "Move!". He leaves the kitchen.

#3: Nana, Pierce, my father and I are sitting at the table. Nana deals out a game of cards for herself, my father, and I. She turns to Pierce and says in a strong tone of voice "You’re going to watch, right?", as if he couldn’t remember how to play, and would only hold us up. He, flustered, says "Nope." She says "You’re going to watch, you can’t remember how to play, honey." He, angry, stands up and says "Just get me out. Just get me out of the way." He storms out of the room. Nana does not apologize.

Notes: For the entire vacation, Nana insisted on planning every day’s events. We ate at a certain time, and we planned the meals two to three days in advance. We had certain activities we were to do each day, and if we were a minute late to do these activities, Nana tensed up, stressed out, and yelled at everyone. When Pierce forgot what we were doing, Nana would take a strong, negative tone of voice with him when restating whatever it was he had forgotten. When my father forgot something she told him the night before, her voice gained impatiency and she would always point out that she had "said it before". Forgetting always got on her nerves, no matter who it was or what had been forgotten. When she herself forgot something, which was rare but did happen once or twice during break. She would at first seem embarrassed and then try to steer conversation as quickly as possible away from the subject she had forgotten. Occasionally, she would become angry with herself and curse.

Whenever Pierce started to talk about his childhood, however, Nana would become ecstatic. She insisted that I draw out stories and record them with a hand-held voice recorder she brought with her for this very purpose. She seemed enthralled with his life story; "It would make a great book", she said, and she wanted to record it soon before he died.

My grandparent’s relationship seems to have changed into a caretaker-patient relationship. Nana feeds Pierce and tells him when to take baths, when to change clothes, when to go out, when to take naps, etc. He does very little for her except provide her with a place to stay and money (he was formerly a doctor) for food, clothing, etc. I see very little affection and love, and an almost constant expression of annoyance on Nana’s face. It is obvious to me that she is upset over being confronted daily with a vision of old age which she, one day, will herself slip into. As I left the beach, her expression was one of true sorrow that she would again be left alone with Pierce. She cannot go for walks or bike rides with him, as his health has deteriorated. She does go to the theater and the symphony with him, but he falls asleep. He does not have the memory control necessary for Nana’s calendar, which stretches on many months into the future with activites, dinner parties, community work, and entertainment dates, and he constantly forgets those few activities which he agrees to. Nana treats him as a child, which is what he represents to her: that carefree child many people become with old age. With age catching up to her, memory is one of the things Nana clings to the most, and for her husband to have lost power over his own is a true tragedy.